Water Weenie Woes

Water weenies are fantastic little inventions that can turn an otherwise boring lake trip into an exciting and somewhat dangerous adventure. Back when I was in the Springville Singles Ward (it has been over 9 years since then, which makes me feel incredibly old), my sister Tiffany and I went to a young single adult activity at Starvation Reservoir.

We had a couple of boats, lots of young adults, and a single water weenie that sloshed around and gave us plenty of bruises and possibly minor concussions as it bucked us into each other and sent us careening into the boat-manufactured waves.

I usually chose to sit next to people I knew well on the water weenie, and I always wanted to be smack dab in the middle. But there was a moment when the water weenie needed one more person, and I didn't know most of the people who were on it very well. The empty spot was right at the back of the water weenie, which was the most dreaded location because whoever sat there got flung around like a rag doll and was typically the first to fall off.

I finally succumbed to peer pressure and swam to the back of the water weenie. Every time I tried to get on, it dipped down towards the water and I slid off the back end. After repeatedly trying and failing to get onto the back of the slippery little bugger, the guy who would unfortunately sit in front of me (and unknowingly become victim to my clutziness), helped to pull me up. Finally, I was in place. I grabbed the black handle and held on securely, knowing I was in for an unforgettable ride. 

The boat's motor thrummed to life, then started to pick up speed at an impressive rate. I noticed with alarm that I was already starting to slip backwards towards the tail end of the water weenie. My handle was stretching! The handles weren't supposed to stretch! And yet, mine was, and it was sending me towards a painful and watery crash-landing. I looked down to investigate the problem, and I found myself staring right into the unexpected crevice of someone's... uh... derriere. Instead of grabbing the black handle, I had accidentally grabbed the black shorts of the guy in front of me! As the boat picked up speed, the shorts stretched out more and more and I slid further and further backwards.

It only took me a moment to realize what I had to do. I let go of the shorts and crashed into the waves. I don't know which hurt worse: my high-speed impact with the water or the sting of the shorts as they slapped back against his skin. I guess I will never know.

Everyone was pelting me with surprised questions as they circled around to pick me back up. "What happened?," "Why did you fall off so quickly?," "Are you ok?" I answered the questions without revealing what I had done. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what had happened, and I was certainly too embarrassed to get back on the water weenie behind the guy whom I had seen way too much of. I don't even remember his name or what he looked like. I am sure I blocked it out. But I can guarantee you that if I ever get back on a water weenie again, I will be much more careful to make sure I know what I am grabbing onto before we take off.