Awkward moments are ridiculously uncomfortable when you are in the middle of them, but they provide so much entertainment years down the road, and can always make people feel better when they are under the impression that their life sucks.
Due to my history of causing quite awkward situations, I can almost always comfort someone after they have done something stupid by saying "It could be worse. You could have nearly pulled the shorts off of a stranger on a water weenie", or "Well, at least you didn't knock a poor guy off his skateboard with your shoulder bag". It is nice to know my comedic life can be put to good use to help other people feel better about theirs. :)
Since you have not yet heard about the swinging shoulder bag, here is the story....
I was late for my first class because Utah Valley State College parking was ridiculous at the time, so I was walking as quickly as I could down the sidewalk. I am a pretty impressive speed walker, and this particular day I was breaking every speed walking record I had ever created, despite the fact that I was carrying a very heavy book bag on one shoulder. As I walked, the bag started to create its own rhythm by swinging back and forth. It was kind of annoying, but I never considered the fact that it could actually be dangerous.
As my bag continued to swing, an attractive guy on a skateboard came my direction on the sidewalk. It could have been my imagination, but he seemed to speed up as he approached (whether to show off or because he recognized and wanted to quickly pass the girl who regularly tripped up the steps in the library building, I am not sure). We were both moving at a pretty quick pace, and he had nearly passed me when I unexpectedly lost all control of my shoulder bag during one of its forceful forward swings.
I watched with dismay as my heavy bag hurtled directly toward the skateboarder with impressive velocity. It was almost like watching a cartoon as the bag crashed into his side and sent him stumbling sideways onto the grass while his skateboard continued rapidly down the sidewalk.
I approached him, feeling completely horrified at what had just happened. I prepared to offer him my hand and apologize for my award-winning clutziness, but I am unfortunately wired to handle embarrassing situations by laughing - especially when there is an injury involved. My mom is the same way, so I blame her for this regrettable personality quirk.
As I reached the skateboarder, instead of offering to help him up or genuinely asking him if he was ok, I laughed in his face. I think I may have gotten the words "I am sorry!" out between my giggles, but I am not sure. I genuinely felt so bad, but it clearly did not appear that way to him.
The guy looked at me with an expression you would expect from someone who thought they had intentionally been knocked over and then laughed at by a bratty girl, then quickly stood up and ran to catch his skateboard. He shot a dirty look back at me as he ran, and I couldn't blame him. All I could do was turn away and continue walking to my class while I blushed furiously and tried to hold back recurring giggles.
So, if you are ever speed-walking to class and you notice that your bag starts to swing back and forth forcefully, get a better grip on it! You never know when it might become a dangerous projectile bent on knocking the breath out of some innocent bystander.
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